I Detest the Fifth Grade
by Menacherie
Summary: AU. Penny Cabot is a highly intelligent nine year old. Her mother decides to move to Houston, Texas and she finds herself becoming friends with Missy and Sheldon Cooper.
1. I Detest The Fifth Grade

The Diary of Penny Cabot

Dear Diary,

We are moving.

Mother cries every time she has to go to her and Daddy's room.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary

I now reside in Houston, Texas.

There are no children on my street. Have immersed myself in my studies.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary,

Mother finally deemed it appropriate that I join a grade that holds my academic peers.

She put me in the fifth grade.

I found it highly illogical that she only finds me intelligent enough for the fifth grade. Must schedule a brain scan for her.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 1 of Fifth Grade

Joined the fifth graders today. Mrs. Graham placed me in the seat in front of Sheldon Cooper.

He laughed every time I answered a question. As did the other half of the class.

I detest the fifth grade.

The boy next to me tried to copy off my paper for our Mathematics test.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 5 of Fifth Grade

The imbecile that sits next to me pushed me in the lunch line and I spilled my red beans and rice all over Sheldon Cooper. Had to apologize to Sheldon Cooper.

Missy Cooper asked me if I would like her to punch Eric Gablehauser in the face.

I politely declined. Will extract my own form of revenge.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 6 of Fifth Grade

Missy invited me to play hopscotch with her today. I found myself playing despite needing to finish the homework of the Twelfth grader who pays me to write her papers.

I scraped my knee and was told by Sheldon that I was brave for not crying. I informed him it was illogical to cry because the teacher could get sued for hugging me. He looked at me oddly and walked off.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 7

Eric Gablehauser found several different species of beetles that Rajesh Koothrapalli from the third grade class just happened to lose.

They were in his desk.

Later Missy and Sheldon joined me in detention. Sheldon had a bit of a bruise on his jaw and Missy had a big grin on her face. Neither would explain to me how Sheldon had a bruise on his jaw.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 15 of Fifth Grade

Ate lunch with the Coopers. Sheldon tugged on my braid and asked if he could have my chocolate milk because they had been out in the lunch line.

Gave him my milk. Found this illogical later.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 23 of Fifth Grade

Went home with the Cooper's.

Have discovered I am allergic to cats.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 29 of Fifth Grade.

Eric Gablehauser pushed me into a mud puddle during recess. Ruined the shirt my dad had bought me. Sheldon punched him when I began to cry.

Missy gave me a hug and ruined her own shirt.

Sheldon got detention. Missy said a curse word in class to join him and gave me a look. I also cursed.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 36 of Fifth Grade.

Missy called me her best friend. Besides Sheldon. I said she was my best friend too, though I wasn't quite sure that I was.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary.

Day 47 of Fifth Grade.

Told Missy she was my best friend without prompting. Felt happy when she said the same back.

Sheldon has been ignoring me. It distresses me because I do not know why. He is also my best friend.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 52 of Fifth Grade.

Sheldon apologized and informed me he thought that I didn't want to be friends with him since I was best friends with Missy.

Informed him that he was a stupid-head and said you were allowed to have more than one best friend. He tugged on my braid and I was happy.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 76 of Fifth Grade

Sheldon needed help with his Mathematics. Helped him learn long division after school while Missy was at softball practice. Lucky was locked in Missy's room and their Meemaw makes the best sort of cookies.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 94 of Fifth Grade

Missy made bead bracelets for Sheldon and I. Mine said Jelly and I was confused. Missy informed me it was because the three of us could stick together like Peanut Butter and Jelly. I informed her that Peanut Butter was one thing.

Sheldon tugged on my braid and I told her it was okay though, because Sheldon and Missy are twins they could be Peanut and Butter.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 106 of Fifth Grade

Missy yelled at a girl for something she wouldn't tell me. She got detention.

I tripped Erik when he stood up to sharpen his pencil and Sheldon disrupted the class twice. We got detention. Sheldon tugged on my braid and I smiled at him.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 124 of Fifth Grade

Grandpa Laine died. I cried twice in class and let Sheldon and Missy hug me at recess.

Have decided to become a doctor.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 159 of Fifth Grade

We had to write a paper on our parents today.

Sheldon and Missy refused to.

I also voiced my refusal. I cry sometimes thinking of Daddy.

Missy said that my Daddy and their Mom and Dad are all in heaven.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 182 of Fifth Grade

Today was Sheldon and Missy's birthday. They were not in class but I was invited to their house after school.

They had a chocolate strawberry cake and Neapolitan ice cream. I ate the vanilla for them. Lucky was locked in Sheldon's room because I spent the night with Missy. We stayed up really late watching The Lion King in their living room and their Meemaw didn't mind.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 200 of Fifth Grade

We started a countdown until summer in class today. There are only seventy days left.

I am sad that I will not see Missy or Sheldon everyday. Missy said I was invited over to their house for the whole summer.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 215 of Fifth Grade.

Missy was sick today so it was just Sheldon and I at the lunch table. I gave him my chocolate milk and he gave me his plain milk. It was quiet at the table without Missy.

Sheldon agreed to playing hopscotch with me instead of kickball at recess and Eric Gablehauser called him a girl.

We both got detention because I kicked him and Sheldon punched him.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 240 of Fifth Grade

There are only thirty more days of school.

I actually want to be in the sixth grade next year so I can stay friends with Missy and Sheldon.

This is highly illogical. Sheldon says lots of things are illogical, but that doesn't mean they can't be good.

I found myself agreeing.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 266 of Fifth Grade

Today is my birthday and Mother let me invite Missy and Sheldon over, even though she wanted to invite the rest of the class too.

I got a vanilla cake and Neapolitan ice cream so we could split it.

Mother wouldn't let them spend the night but we did get to watch The Little Mermaid even if Sheldon hated it. He tugged my braid when he left and Missy hugged me.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 270 of Fifth Grade

There are Zero days left of the Fifth Grade.

Mrs. Graham said that each of us were angels, no matter what sort of trouble we got into. She looked at Sheldon, Missy and I when she said that. I thought she should have looked at Eric Gablehauser.

I went to Missy's game of softball and sat next to Sheldon and his Meemaw. She didn't have cookies with her but she did buy us lemon snowballs.

I think this summer will be a lot of fun.

-Penny Cabot, Fifth Grader


	2. The Sixth Grade Sucks

A/N: Sorry about the bold and underlined chapter that you saw previously.

Dear Diary,

Mom bought me a dog in hopes that I would ignore her boyfriend. I named him Bones, and taught him to pee on her boyfriend and simply claimed that he couldn't control his bladder.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary,

Sheldon and Missy are teaching me how to swim at the community pool. Missy kept teasing Sheldon about the germs until he took a mouthful of water and spat it at her.

I found him gagging behind the bathrooms later and didn't mention it to Missy.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary

I found out that Eric Gablehauser lives two blocks away from me and Sheldon, Missy and I take a different route to the park now.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary,

Meemaw taught me how to make the really awesome cookies, even if it was supposed to be a family recipe. She lets me bake the cookies whenever I go over to their house, but hers are still better.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary,

Mom took the three of us shopping for school supplies yesterday and I got several nice school things. I really like my three ring binder, because Sheldon and Missy and I took turns decorating each others binders.

Dear Diary,

We all found out who our teachers were today. I was immensely excited that Sheldon, Missy and I have three of our five classes together. We all hugged and danced around Meemaw's kitchen until the cookies were finished.

-Penny Cabot

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is the first day of the sixth grade. I'm a bit nervous about my English class, since I'm taking it with the seventh graders.

Sheldon and I are both in the gifted group, he's taking the seventh grade math class. I hope I will learn something this year.

-Penny Cabot,

Dear Diary,

Day 1 of Sixth Grade.

The Sixth grade is horrible.

Sheldon, Missy and I aren't allowed to sit next to one another in any of the classes we share even though the rest of the students are in alphabetical order. I will be having words with my teachers.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 3 of Sixth Grade

There has been no progress on the Seating Issue. I am severely disappointed in the educational system of Anderson Junior High. Don't these people know that you can't learn anything without your best friends?

The seventh grade English class is fun.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 6 of Sixth Grade

I have developed a complicated and detailed note passing system through bribing the other kids with tutoring in English from me and Math from Sheldon.

The sixth grade might now be bearable.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 11 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon is still sad about the loss of red beans and rice Thursdays. Instead we get gumbo, which is nearly as good.

Missy told him that it was okay to not have red beans and rice on Thursdays because we weren't at Anderson Elementary anymore. Sheldon agreed then, and is now consolable.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 14 of Sixth Grade

Forget Eric Gablehauser. Leslie Winkle is now the bane of my existence. She insulted my paper in class today. She said my explanation of the poem we did in class was "Totally wrong."

Informed her that totally was a colloquial term only still used by simpletons buried in the nineties and asked if she knew what a hair straightener was. (Missy had shown me how to use one this summer.)

Got detention for insulting Winkle.

I didn't tell Sheldon or Missy what happened but they both joined me after school. Sheldon said later that he tripped Gablehauser and Missy disrupted her class until the teacher had no choice.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 15 of Sixth Grade

Leonard Hofstadter told me after class that he had liked my explanation of the poem yesterday.

I asked him why he didn't say so yesterday and he made a bunch of excuses. So I told him thank you and walked to lunch.

Unfortunately he followed me.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 19 of Sixth Grade

Leonard thinks it is okay to sit at our lunch table.

He didn't understand the milk ritual and offered me his milk and asked why I had a bracelet on that said Jelly.

Missy told him why, and he said that Peanut Butter was one thing. I told him that it was okay because Sheldon and Missy were twins and that's why they were Peanut and Butter.

He didn't understand.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 22 of Sixth Grade

Rajesh Koothrapalli from the fourth grade joined us at our lunch table today. He understood that it was okay for Sheldon and Missy to be Peanut and Butter so it was okay that he was sitting with us.

Leonard is still sitting with us. He has to eat a salad on Mac 'n' cheese day. This annoyed Sheldon.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 26 of Sixth Grade.

Still have not found acceptable punishment for Winkle. No one insults me and gets away with it.

Leonard has some use after all. He mentioned that Winkle is afraid of snakes. Missy lent me fifty cents at the dollar store and I bought a fake snake.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 27 of Sixth Grade

Leonard has even more uses. He planted the snake for me. Winkle screamed like a little girl.

Took the detention with grace. Also mentioned contacts to Winkle.

Sheldon and Missy joined me in detention. Leonard thought it was weird that they did that. I told him he obviously didn't have many best friends.

I realized later that the statement was probably mean, but the boy annoys me.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 45 of Sixth Grade

Our lunch table seems to be popular this year. We have acquired another tablemate. Howard Wolowitz shares the sixth grade math class with Missy.

He offered to tutor me in math and I informed him that Sheldon could easily do that. He looked a bit confused then, but I have absolutely no idea why.

Leonard isn't talking much at the table anymore. Missy said it was because I told him he didn't have many best friends. I think I should apologize but its the truth, and Daddy said never apologize for the truth.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 48 of Sixth Grade,

I apologized to Leonard for my crass statement. Felt horrible because the apology was a lie.

Howard keeps offering to tutor me in Math. I don't understand why. I threatened to punch him if he kept bothering me about Math. I don't like to be reminded that it is not my best subject.

Also, Missy is rubbing off on me.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 61 of Sixth Grade,

Missy made Sheldon and I audition for the play she wants to be in. Neither Sheldon nor I made the cast, but Missy got a minor part and Sheldon and I were drafted into helping with the sets despite our lack of artistic talent.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 68 of Sixth Grade

Leslie made another crack about one of my papers. She has apparently recovered from the snake incident.

Told her to check her smelling because her paper was the biggest pile of shit I'd read in my whole life.

Missy is definitely rubbing off on me. Also, got a detention and Missy and Sheldon joined me, even though Missy missed theatre practice.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 75 of Sixth Grade

Apparently Eric Gablehauser said something stupid in English class today because Sheldon punched him during break. He got a trip to the principal's office and a detention.

His Meemaw had to come pick him up from school today though. Later Missy called me up, she was furious and I could barely understand her. She said the principal told him that they didn't tolerate fighting, even from students who had recently lost their parents. She said Sheldon had been incredibly angry all day and had to miss school the next day.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 76 of Sixth Grade

Mom said she won't let me go over to their house over the weekend, and started to say that the Coopers might be a bad influence on me if Sheldon had to be sent home for breaking Gablehauser's nose.

I informed her that she had less intelligence than I thought if she seriously thought that Mrs. Cooper had raised heathens.

She sent me to my room and I didn't speak to her the whole weekend.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 78 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon got to come back to school today. I gave him a hug and told him that Principal Seymour was a hardass. He tugged on my ponytail and smiled.

Had to kick Howard under the table to keep him from asking questions about Gablehauser.

Leonard didn't even bother to ask about it. He seemed a bit frightened of Sheldon actually.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 103 of Sixth Grade

Went over to Sheldon's house today for help with my math. I didn't really need help but I don't think he was feeling good. He's been way too quiet lately.

I even helped him with his English homework.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 108 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon's Meemaw is making him try out for baseball. She said he needed an extracurricular to help keep him out of trouble. Sheldon and I think the Principal told her that.

Sat in the bleachers while he tried out. He had a great arm for pitching but can't catch and cant hit the ball.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 109 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon made the team. They must not have had a good pitcher because that's the position he got. He was really surprised until his Meemaw told him that his Daddy had been a pitcher too.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 113 of Sixth Grade

Today was Missy's play. Meemaw and Sheldon picked me up and we went and got Missy some roses from Wal-Mart and then went back to the school.

The play was rather funny and Missy aced her part. She cried a bit when we gave her the roses.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 116 of Sixth Grade

I think Winkle learned her lesson. She hasn't insulted any of my papers in quite a while

I'm glad, I don't want any more detentions. Sheldon has practice almost every other day after school now, and Missy has her softball tryout when we get back from the Christmas break.

I feel kind of lonely after school now. Mom said I should probably join something, but I don't know what.

Today is the last day of school before break! I hope I get some good Christmas presents. Sheldon says he thinks Christmas is stupid, but does like the gifts. I told him he was silly.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 117 of Sixth Grade

Its Christmas Eve! Mom hid the presents really well, and she still hasn't put them under the tree. I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what I got. Sheldon's Meemaw invited me and mom over for a Christmas Lunch.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 118 of Sixth Grade

Its Christmas day! I got a bunch of things from mom, like a digital camera and an ipod. After we opened presents we went over to the Coopers for lunch.

Sheldon got me a journal for next year, he said this one was getting filled up (It was blue and had a pretty pattern on the inside). I hugged him and he just tugged on my braid. Missy got me a new set of colored pens to go with it but confessed that they were Sheldon's idea too.

I gave Sheldon a book of math puzzles that I figured he would like and Missy got the shirt she had been looking at last time we went to the mall. Sheldon smiled at me, and Missy practically tackled me. Maybe she should be trying out for football instead.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 130 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon and I watched Missy at her tryouts. She's always done well in Pee-Wee Baseball. She easily aced the tryouts, her batting average is rather high for a sixth grader. She also can run much faster than Sheldon or I.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 131 of Sixth Grade

Missy of course made the team. It's really hard to hang out with both of them in the afternoons now. Missy is tired after her practice and so is Sheldon.

Mom says I should join the debate team, since I'm so good at arguing.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 137 of Sixth Grade

Looked into the debate team, but found out that Winkle was on it. Found out we have a quiz bowl team and tried out.

Sheldon and Missy were a bit hurt that I didn't tell them about the tryout but I told them I didn't want them there if I messed up.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 140 of Sixth Grade

I made the quiz bowl team! I have practice once a week and I have to keep at least a 3.5 GPA. I have Sheldon helping me with the math packet I was given. I told him that he should join too, but quiz bowl practice is the same day as his baseball practice.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 152 of Sixth Grade

It is exceptionally hard to find time with Missy and Sheldon now that baseball and softball practices are in full swing. Even when they don't have practice they are expected to run. Sometimes Sheldon makes me run with him and we take Bones with us.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 171 of Sixth Grade

Today is Valentines day. I find this holiday incredibly stupid, but many of my fellow students deemed it an appropriate day for fooling around with boyfriends. I didn't learn anything today, and got six Valentines. Missy got ten. Sheldon got six.

Howard signed his valentine, Raj told me his parents made him give one to all the girls in his class and I assumed the stupid poem about roses was from Leonard. I don't know who gave me a fourth, and Missy swears it was Sheldon, but he said he hated the holiday too.

His face got really red when I asked him and he said his Meemaw said it was the polite thing to do. I told him thank you then and he smiled and tugged on my ponytail.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 174 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon was waiting for me after quiz bowl practice today. He tugged on my ponytail and walked home with me.

He even stayed a little while after and played with Bones.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 183 of Sixth Grade

Today was Missy and Sheldon's birthday. I didn't really know what to get them. So I bought them both a jar of peanut butter. Then I got Missy a multi-use hair styler because her straightener broke last week. I got Sheldon a boxed set of Dr. Who dvds.

I hope they really did like their presents. Their Meemaw didn't get the peanut butter joke, but they both laughed at it. We had cake and ice cream again.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 192 of Sixth Grade

We have a group project for history class! Sheldon, Missy and I get to sit next to one another for a whole week.

This also means I get to spend almost the whole week at their house.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 196 of Sixth Grade

I'm confident that we all aced that project. There is no way that we didn't with our combined intellect.

Besides, Missy needed a bit of a boost in her history grade.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary

Day 211 of Sixth Grade

Today was the first competition for the quiz bowl. I was super nervous, but Missy and Sheldon showed up right before it began with their Meemaw. She said that there was a plate of cookies waiting for me at their house if we won. Missy gave me a hug and Sheldon tugged on my ponytail. I just hugged him back and ran to get to my seat before it started.

We won.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 229 of Sixth Grade

Middle School Baseball and Softball seasons start today. Sheldon has a game every Thursday and Missy has a game every Sunday. Sheldon's first game is tomorrow. Missy and I promised we'd be in the stands cheering him on and he smiled at us.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 230 of Sixth Grade

Sheldon is really good at pitching! His team won and to celebrate we ordered pizza from Sheldon's favorite pizza place. Their Meemaw also let us eat ice cream. I found out today that Meemaw calls Sheldon her Moonpie when she's really proud of him.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 233 of Sixth Grade

Missy had her first game today. Her team won too, and we went and got ice cream afterwards.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 248 of Sixth Grade

There are less than thirty days until school gets out! I think I liked the sixth grade. The beginning was a bit rough, but we all pulled through.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 259 of Sixth Grade

Apparently, both the softball team and baseball team have been having amazing seasons. Sheldon told me that I was their good luck charm, which I though was silly because he doesn't believe in luck. Missy agreed and said I had to come to every single one of their games or they would lose. I promised I would go to every game then and Sheldon just tugged on my ponytail. I wonder why he does that?

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 267 of Sixth Grade

Today is my birthday! I woke up bright and early and mom said that she and I were going out to lunch. I asked if Missy and Sheldon could come and she said no, they could come over for dinner. That sort of sucked, even though mom took me to the Cheesecake Factory and let me order whatever I wanted.

Missy and Sheldon were there when we got home and Missy gave me a big hug and Sheldon smiled at me. He never really hugs people, but Missy won't tell me why.

Anyway, Sheldon and Missy pitched in together and got me a hair straightener and curler. Missy said that she'd teach me how to use it this summer. Their meemaw gave me a ticket for free cooking lessons! Missy got to spend the night, but Sheldon had to go home. Missy and I watched The Princess and the Frog in the living room with Bones until we fell asleep.

-Penny Cabot, Sixth Grader

Dear Diary,

Day 270 of Sixth Grade

Today was the last day of school. We didn't do much, but we cleaned out our lockers and got our grades and such. Sheldon made all A's, even in English. He got a little mad when I called him my little Moonpie for acing English until I explained I wasn't making fun of him I was just proud of him.

Missy also did well, her history grade was boosted from that group project we did and she ended up with a B! I also got all A's and Sheldon tugged on my ponytail then and gave me a small smile. I think that means that he's happy for me.

I can't wait for this summer to start

-Penny Cabot,


End file.
